Today is the day...

Today is the day that I stop and say: I'm ready to move on. I have been living in the past with this PCOS junk; I don't want to do this anymore. I am hurting myself. I am constantly hurting my family and friends because I'm not myself anymore. I am giving myself more problems and more pain than is necessary. Why? For what reason? Who would do such a thing?

My heart aches every day because I can't have the one thing I want: a family of my own. I can't be a mommy, something I want so desperately. I can't have a child of my own right now, and I can't even afford to adopt a child. I can only spend time with other people's children, which at times, breaks my heart even more, because they have something I want. I don't say this to try to be or sound selfish; I'm not trying to be. I just know that being a mother is something that I want to do, and something I think I'll be good at. Please don't get me wrong or misunderstand what I'm saying.

However, it isn't in the cards for me right now, apparantly. I am going to have to accept that fact and move on with it. This new blog is about my PCOS journey, my rantings and ravings, my successes and failures, my painful moments, and my exciting new events. I am going to try from here; I felt like I already ruined the year because January did not turn out the way I wanted it to. I guess I can't give up just because of a few set backs. I am rescheduling doctor appointments, getting back on my medicines, and starting my diet and exercise anew, especially since I am done with basketball season after Friday (the 1st). My husband is offering to help out at home more and cooks on school nights (Mondays and Wednesdays), so hopefully, that will help me stay on some sort of schedule.

This blog is not for anyone to ridicule me, judge me, love me, hate me, admire me, or idolize me. This blog is more for ME. I need a place to write, and since handwriting takes so much stinkin' time, I opt to type instead of write. I will write periodically, especially when I can't get to the computer, but most of my journal entries will be here in this blog. I do not want you to be critical of me; I only ask you to think of me, pray for me, and support me, even if you do not understand. I don't expect understanding, and I don't expect you to always agree with me. If you are my friend, you will look out for me and hold my hand and just be there for me. That's all that I truly ask of you.

So here's to my journey. It is going to be a long, hard, bumpy, curvy road, but I think I'm ready for it. Bring it on!

Here's to new beginnings....