I'm not quite sure what to say in this blog, as I'm not quite sure what is going on with me, what I am thinking, why I'm thinking it, anything.
I have been pretty reflective lately, and I'm not really very happy with me or anyone else.
I started my period today, after a 7 day late streak... a streak that again got my hopes up for a pregnancy, since I don't have to take care of my sisters anymore after their pregnancies and complications. Why can't it just be me for a change? I am so depressed and hurt that it is never me... I've been trying longer than any of my friends, my sister, etc., and I have no child of my own. The one thing I've always been so afraid of... I don't have, and I really honestly think I won't ever have. I do not want to be 30 and having children. My husband is going to be 29 in June. I don't want him to be too old either. We have been together for 7 years. We have had plenty of time alone with each other, and all I have asked God to grace me with is a child. At least one child... and I can't even get that. I'm so angry right now... so done. I go through this stage a lot, but I am no longer trying. I am no longer going through this agony. I am just set on it won't happen. I'm not going to have children. I'm not going to put myself through this anymore.
I just needed to vent.
THough, I don't feel better.
I'm sick of everything.
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